I have a question for you…

When are you most creative?

In the past I’ve written about Morning Motivation and how preparing for your day can boost you from average productivity to a powerful day…

And I must confess… at WORK I’m not horribly creative…

As I’ve mentioned before, I work in the world of IT and things like DNS and adjusting server notifications don’t lend themselves to being horribly creative things…

That being said, I’ve obsevered a few interesting things that I associate with being creative.

But before I get into those I wanted to define creativity…

And for me, it’s really on two levels. The first level is what I’m doing now… writing. I love to write and I love to teach, so I lump both of those into what I call “creativity” for myself. The second level of creativity is with my daughter… Since my daughter lives with me, it’s a never-ending song, dance or way that we put on clothes… We make EVERYTHING fun!

So, really, my observances are a bit more personal… They are for the first level of creativity I just described… the “writing” or “art” place in my life. (I’ll talk about that second level of creativity in another blog).

The first is coffee… I live in the Pacific Northwest and Coffee is kinda a big deal up here.

I always associate having black coffee with writing and working on my website…

The second is not having shoes… or specifically, being barefoot.

There really is something liberating about not wearing shoes and socks… maybe it’s a subconscious thing that keeps me “grounded”… who knows?

I don’t want to “read into” this too much, in other words, I don’t think these are things that directly MAKE me creative… I really believe that we’re all creative people on the inside.

And don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I take off my shoes and socks at a coffeeshop if I am writing! ha ha!

But the reason I mention these is simply out of observation.

In other words, these are things that I ‘naturally’ do when I’m at the peak of my creativity… Things that I don’t even think about, but that happen on a regular basis.

I also noticed that I tend to get more creative things done in the morning. It tends to give me a good feeling about starting the day remembering that I created something… It doesn’t matter if it’s a Podcast or a blog entry, it’s something that I did that helps others!

So, when are YOU most creative? Have you noticed that at a certain time of day?

Do you have a tendancy to actually DO something, like drink a favorite glass of juice or eat a power bar?

The reason I ask this, and the reason I am sharing, is so that we can learn from each other… We can take bits and pieces of what works for other creative minds and other Single Parents and make them out own.

As you’re being your TRUE creative Self, remember that we’re in this together, learning lessons along the way!

I’ll talk to you soon,

Oh yeah, check out my YouTube site… I put up a new video the other day about investing for your children!

I put up a new video the other day on YouTube about investing for your child…

In the video I discuss the UGMA as an alternative to a traditional “college fund”, why financial education is important to kids and the importance of a Will…

I’m not an expert when it comes to investing, but I have done my homework and wanted to share what’s worked for me.

You can check it out below, on YouTube, or (better yet) subscribe to my Podcast and get it right when it comes out!

Enjoy this video about investing for your child.

I’ll talk to you soon,

 

 Single Parent Tips - Investing For Your Child: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

The other day I created a new video…

It’s all about why Single Moms are more fun to date!

You can watch is below or check it out on YouTube!

Hope you’re having a good week!

Talk to you soon,

 

 Why Dating Single Moms is More Fun!: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Have you ever been presented with a challenge that seemed like it was IMPOSSIBLE to over come?

Have you ever instantly jumped into “reaction” mode because you didn’t think there was anything else to do?

I know I have…

But then you actually go through the thing and you say to yourself “man, that wasn’t that big of a deal?”

This might sound like a relatively simple idea, but keep one thing in mind when a new challenge arrives: You are seeing it from YOUR perspective.

No one elses…

Others might have INFLUENCE on you… Like when you get that tiny little “fear rush” when a friend says “…wow, I couldn’t deal with something like that…” or your Mom says “…that sounds like it’s really hard…”

And then you get through the situation or the challenge and you say to yourself “Gosh, that was no big deal!”…

Well, what if you were at a place where you didn’t even need to go through the questioning in the first place? Wouldn’t that be a great place to be?

What if you were able to simply deal with things powerfully and from a perspective that was actually outside of the immediate scope of the problem or challenge?

So, what’s the “secret sauce”? Is it just self-confidence or having enough self-awareness that you are doing what you’re doing?

Here’s what works for me…

It’s confidence in your own skin and comfort in knowing who you are.

If you are comfortable with yourself it really shows when you talk (and interact) with others… and it allows you to calmly observe a situation even if your in the middle of it.

With these two pieces, you can objectively look at just about any situation, assess it for what it is and deal head-on with **reality**.

Let’s take a tough example… (At least this was a tough one for me)…

My ”ex” starts to date someone else… I meet this other person, but then the voices in my head start talking and saying “she’s comparing me to him” or “he looks really great, I wonder if…”

All of this happens in my subconscious by the way, and I have little control over it… This is part of being human…

I then start to make this mean something that it doesn’t… I start to look at the dating relationship and be sad for myself that I’m not in one… or maybe my “comparison” starts to make it about ME rather than what it really is about…

Whoa… hold on for a minute…

You see how quickly I started the “death wobble on the skateboard”…?

It’s at this point confidence and comfort NEED to kick in… Take a deep breath and think about what just happened.

Just because my “ex” is dating someone else, doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. It also doesn’t mean that they aren’t still, in some way, attracted to me… It doesn’t mean that I’m not good looking and it doesn’t mean any of the stuff that I automatically started thinking about.

It’s really just two people dating… and that’s it.

Nothing more and nothing less…

It’s this level of being able to think that will really set us apart from the rest of the Single Parents out there.

You see, by simply stopping and really seeing the sitiation for what it was you were able to avoid the imaginary… The imaginary, in this example, being what my “ex” was thinking and what I was attaching meaning to.

What if you had this skill when dealing with your children?

What if you had this the first time they went to school? Or lied to you?

And if you think about it, this really can apply to your entire LIFE!

So, to recap, continue to work on the comfort with yourself and your confidence. Once you become a master at this you can calmly deal with anything that life throws your way, be able to step outside of a problem or challenge, and observe what’s really happening… and in most cases, it’s far, far less than what we think it is.

As you’re avoiding the imaginary and dealing head on with reality, remember that we’re in this together, learning lessons along the way.

Talk to you soon,

I created a new video this morning with some Single Parent Dating Tips for the ladies… I give two quick tips about how to meet the guys you’re attracted to and how to tell if a Single Guy is a Daddy too!

We may be Single Parents, but we still date!

I put it up on You Tube this morning…

Thanks for checking out my video!

Remember that we’re in this together, learning lessons along the way!

Talk to you soon,

 

 Dating Tips for the Ladies and How To Tell If A Single Guy Has Kids: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

  I have to say, that I don’t watch alot of television… So when a friend makes a recommendation I try to follow through and check it out…

   I was recently told about a show called 30 Days in which Morgan Spurlock… the same guy that did the McDonald’s Movie “SuperSize Me“. 

   The premise of the show is that they take someone with a strong view and place them with someone who embraces the opposite view for 30 days.

   I know, I know, reality t.v. for the most part seems pretty lame…

   And when you have built-in conflict, that makes for a controversial show from the beginning.

   This particular episode really hit home…

   And it addressed something that I’ve been thinking about for awhile.

   The show took a hunter and avid meat-eater out of a mid-west state (as I recall) and placed him with a Vegan family living in Los Angeles.

   At first it was predictable…

   Two radically opposing viewpoints placed together… people being stubborn and sticking with their beliefs and so forth.

   And there was a transition where a place of awareness hit the hunter.

   All the while not “caving into” the Vegan lifestyle, but rather taking in what the family believed in and being exposed to the cruelty that animals suffer.

   This got him thinking about animals and their place in this world…

   It also got him thinking about accepting people despite their opposing views.

   It didn’t happen overnight and he was very open about this transition, which was a very cool thing for the viewers to observe.

   For me, personally, I’ve been a vegetarian in the past…

   And I have to admit, it was more like “I didn’t eat meat”.

   It only took one tiny food poisoning incident from a fast food resturant to make me switch over.

   And that was years ago…

   Since then, I’d fallen back into a lifestyle that included not only eating meat, but occasionally going to fast food resturants.

   This episode actually inspired me to take a look at my current eating habits.

   But like most things in life, there were places where I could improve.

   You know, a few cookies here… and extra ice cream there…

   In any case, I’ve made the descision to stop eating meat.

   It’s a personal descision, and yes, the TV show “30 Days” did play a role in my arrival at this choice.

   And the reason I even mention this is for a couple reasons… First and foremost is Choice.

   It made me think about the idea that if I am not living a life based on choice, I am living out of obligation or “auto-pilot”… and as a Single Parent, this is a tough place to be.

   In fact, it’s a tough place to be for anyone.

   Secondly, it’s my declaration to you that I’m making this choice.

   This takes my original idea of not eating meat to another level.

   It’s like a sort of “automatic accountability” that’s attached to mentioning it.

   The way I interpret this is me making a difference…

   Even by one person not eating meat it’s my personal stand.

   The “pitfall” is to not live within that stand.

   In other words, when I make a descision like this, it’s for me.

   How does this relate to being a parent?

   I see this as being important on two levels…

   The first level is change… Being able to, by example, show your children that you CAN change… And that well-thought ideals are important to have.

   If you are complaining about something but don’t do anything about it, your child is going to make that association and repeat the cycle…

   So, first off, it’s example.

   Secondly, and this happens actually BEFORE the first reason, it’s self-awareness.

   And much like the Hunter in the episode of “30 Days” I was disgusted by the way that animals are being treated.

   I also was really suprised at the conditions in which the animals lived and the amount of pain that was going on just to make sure that the fast food resturant on the corner was stocked with meat.

   Was there anything “wrong” with me when I ate meat?

   No, there wasn’t.

   Is it wrong for OTHERS to eat meat?

   Nope, not at all.

   When my reason for doing something was to be the difference or be the change it became less about me and more about my place in the world.

   What began as self-awareness resulted in immediate action…

   The bottom line is this… I might be one Single Dad but given the chance I can BE the difference.

   And this is the same thing that lead me to write my book.

   If I end up helping one person become a better parent, than I consider that success!

   I believe in the concept of community… and I believe that we can take the lessons we learn in life and teach them to each other in order to grow into better people.

   Do I think we can change the world overnight?

   Only time will answer that question.

   But what I do know is that by continuing to live a life of choice, you are free from obligation and open yourself up to anything that you want from life.

   So, as you’re finding out what’s important to you remember that we’re all in this together learning lessons along the way…

Talk to you soon,

(more…)

I recently put my house up for sale… and it’s been a challenging ordeal to say the least…

Being a Single Parent there are a few things that I have to deal with that parenting with a Partner would make easier… which, on the surface is following around a four year old and picking up toys that she leaves out…

As with most of the things I do, I found a “zen” type moment when I was painting the door.

And I wanted to share it with you.

It all starts the day I signed with the Real Estate company, which was Saturday.

After all the paperwork got out of the way and I was satisfied that my questions were answered, it was time to start taking pictures and making sure the house was as tidy as possible.

The real estate agent started snapping away and then I noticed that she stopped.

She had gone into the kitchen, grabbed a rag and started cleaning the door jam.

It’s a white door jam that, over the years, had become dingy… It had scuffs on it and a few chips of paint that were pretty noticeable…

And, you know, it was like washing your car… Right after you wash your car you can see the tiny dings and scratches in it…

I mean, they were there before… but they were hidden under the dirt and grime your car picked up from the road.

Well, the same thing happened to the door.

It’s taken years of abuse as being both the portal to the house and the way to the escape pod.

It’s seen many a happy time and sometimes the sad times.

As I watched her try to remove the scuffs from the door I realized that there was only one choice to make it actually look decent… and that was to paint it.

I pointed this out to her and she agreed…

So here I was… two hours after all the pictures were taken and the real estate agent left… My daughter was content sitting at the table with a coloring book and I was “white-washing” my front door.

And then it hit me… This is just like my life.

Of course, the cliche thing would be to parallel painting the door with the decisions we make in life… how sometimes we get emotional “scrapes” and mental “dings” along our path.

Don’t get me wrong, all those are true…

I wanted to use painting the door as an example of taking something “old”, like a concept or an idea, and making it into something new.

You know, like when you go back and read a book for a second time… You pick up on subtle nuances that you didn’t notice before. And where they there? Yes, of course they were… you just didn’t see them.

This is how I felt when I was painting the door.

I was so used to seeing the door the way it was that I didn’t even notice the tiny amount of “damage” that was done to it.

And then I thought about this a little deeper… And how this applies directly to life.

You see, painting is a little like catching up on this, or having the realization that you want to change something…

Is it fine on it’s own?

Of course it was… I mean, the door still opened and still allowed for us to leave and enter my house.

But with the paint on it, it LOOKED better… Ultimately giving a better FEELING because it seemed cleaner.

But what about actual “repairs”? Things in life we notice that we want to actually CHANGE.

Those are like cracks you see in a wall.

What do you do with a crack? You get out some spakle and you repair it.

You notice where the damage happened and you fix it.

What do we do after we patch a crack?

We paint over it… Painting could symbolize something new… it could mean a cover-up or it could be a resolution…

But for this example let’s say that it represents something “cleaner”.

You see, it depends on how you look at it… It’s all water in a glass and nothing more. Sometimes it’s half full and sometimes it’s half empty…. it’s the perspective of something new and clean that adds the ambiance to it.

As your patching the cracks in your life and adding on a new coat of paint, remember that we’re in this together, learning lessons along the way.

Talk to you soon,

The concept of Possibilty is a huge one… But one that I wanted to start blogging about.

In fact, I feel so strongly about the idea of Possibility that I’m about ready to share with you a new perspective on LIFE!

And if you haven’t had a chance to really study this and wrap your mind around it, there is no time like the present… ha ha!

Possibility, as defined by American Heritage dictionary and Dictionary.com is “Potentiality for favorable or interesting results“.

In other words, all ideas - good or bad, started out as a possibility… something that COULD happen.

Taking this simple and easy to digest concept, think about the things you do… both positive and negative in your life.

Do you do what you do because you’re on “auto-pilot” or because you choose to.

This isn’t something to take lightly… Think about it for just a second… Is choice a factor in what you do?

Now, take what you now know about possibility (from the raw definition) and apply it to your LIFE…

How can you LIVE in possibility??

Would you even WANT to??

The answer to both of those, from my own personal perspective, is “YES!”…

To live in possibility is the opposite of living within your “reasons“…

And I’m sure you know what “reasons” are… That little voice, or sometimes voices, inside your head that tell you why you should or shouldn’t do something…

Let me give you an example…

So, say you want to take some flowers to a pretty barista you met at a coffee cart the other day… She’s cute, funny and makes a mean Latte… three important qualities that you want in a girlfriend.

You gather up enough nerve to buy some flowers at New Seasons and you start walking to the coffee cart…

Then those voices start popping up… “Maybe she’s got a boyfriend…”, “Maybe this will bother her at work…” or “Maybe she will instantly reject me…”

You get frustrated and low and behold… the voices WIN!

You then get a block away from where she works and you throw the flowers into a close garbage can and walk the other way…

What I just described was a live lived within your reasons…

In other words, before you even had a chance to explore the POSSIBILITY of what her reaction was going to be you played Judge, Jury and Execution of your idea in less than thirty seconds…

Now you are out ten bucks for the flowers, twenty minutes of your time for walking to the coffee cart but more importantly you are out the possibility of a making a new friend, going out on a date or a potential life mate!!

When you divorce yourself from the idea of acceptance and rejection from others, a whole new world opens up… and the idea is the amazing world of possibility! 

So, what would have REALLY happened if you brought the flowers to her?

That was a harsh example, but not out of context for us guys…

Who really knows… no one does… But, like most situations in life, we make them out to be a lot bigger in our minds then they are in “real life”.

I call this living from the “possibility perspective”… meaning that you can see the possibility of good things in your life.

You can live a life not ruled by your “reasons” why something is good or something is bad.

Now, of course, keep in mind this is CONTEXTUAL and doesn’t mean that you throw physical common sense out the window… In other words, you might justify to yourself why you are still smoking cigarettes… Those are still reasons… in this case, think of all the possibilities that NOT smoking could give you (fresh breath, longer life for you & your child, etc).

You can, in a sense, live “above” the negative internal language that you talk to yourself… and above the reasons why you limit yourself in your life.

And the vast majority of this is done through being aware of what you are saying to yourself and asking yourself one simple question: “Am I doing this or not doing this because I have a reason??” 

As you’re living your life from the “possibilty perspective” remember that we’re in this together, learning lessons along the way.

Talk to you soon,

Anyone who has read my blog before knows that I’m a big advocate for honesty and integrity.

I really believe that coming from a place of “authenticity” with any aspect of your life will give you the freedom that allows for self-expression and being aware of yourself.

My intention (and the reason I write this blog) is to give you the “straight talk” to get you on a good path. Notice I didn’t say the “right” path or place you in a “correct” frame of mind…

I believe that everyone is unique and special, just like their situation of being a Parent and how to raise their children… I also believe that by assisting others and really bringing together that sense of “community” we are able to literally THRIVE off each other.

Okay, enough of my soapbox… let’s get down to business!

Today I wanted to talk about perception and attention (or awareness)…

It’s too easy to be engulfed by the negativity that surrounds us… An Ex says something that was hurtful, you see violence in a video game or you hear a story on the news about a missing child…

The point is that there are negative things around us all the time.

And the easiest way to counteract this is through having a positive self-awareness… or, more simply put, to be on the lookout for the good things in life.

I mean, hey, you wouldn’t purposely EAT poisonous food, right?

And you certainly wouldn’t feed your child poisonous food!

This is one way to think about the negative trends you see around you… if you doubt this, pick up a Newspaper or watch the News and you’ll see what I mean.

In fact, even the vast majority of your conversations of people without this sort of awareness are going to be shrouded in negativity.

I’ll go so far as to say that without awareness, you are simply a machine… a mechanical product that simply see something and reacts…

One of the best ways to overcome this is relatively simple.

It’s quick thought replacement… and it takes literally 7 seconds!

If you have a negative idea or thought come into your head, counteract that thought with a good one… and it helps to have an arsenal of good thoughts and ideas ready if this comes up!

Here is an example…

Last week we had a milestone in my house… My four year old daughter has officially given up on Juice Cups.

Of course, this means that she’s drinking out of a regular glass.

With this comes the greater possibility of accidents.

During the rare occasion of drinking some orange soda, she spilled an entire glass all over the hardwood floor.

Knowing that this would create a sticky mess she immediately ran into the kitchen to grab the dish towel from the sink.

In her own attempt to clean up the spilled soda she made it worse by just spreading the sugary drink over a greater area.

All of this was happening when I was on an intense phone call with work… in fact, it was an emergency and I was working with a co-location to get a server back online.

My first reaction was to grab the towel out of her hand, sigh a big sigh and clean it up myself.

But I didn’t… I caught myself and reminded myself how cool it was that she was trying to help.

She knew she made a mistake and didn’t sit there and cry about it.

She put ACTION behind it and tried to clean it up.

And on top of that, I remembered the bigger picture, where she is no longer drinking out of a juice cup, but rather joining the ranks of older kids who drink from regular glasses.

This seems like a little step, but it was a big one in my mind!

I took that situation and remembered just those two things… and you know what? Spilled juice didn’t seem so bad! ha ha!

By using the technique of quick thought replacement I really become the Guardian of my own perception and awareness…

And it’s something you can do too!

So, I encourage you to become more self-aware and guard your perception with the intelligence that you have!

Replace negative reactions with good thoughts… and remember that 7 seconds can save you from falling into a negative state.

As we’re using quick and positive thoughts to replace negative ones, remember that we’re in this together, learning lessons along the way!

Talk to you soon,

Every year I make a DVD of my daughter. I’ve used them as Christmas presents for about four years now…

Not only are they fun to shoot and assemble, but my family loves to get them!

The DVD consists of pictures, videos, drawings and other fun stuff that I get throughout the year.

I know, I usually write about “woo-woo” or a little more “esoteric” stuff… but hey, I’m a practical guy too! ha ha! 

The DVD’s are great because it’s a unique and intimate way to share your child with the rest of your family, especially family that lives far away. If you already have a digital camera it’s an inexpensive way to create a special gift and (most importantly) it allows you to be able to document your child’s history for THEM!

So, that being said, I wanted to give you a three tips and pointers about making a DVD of your child… and I encourage you to document as much as you can… we can’t get this time back with our children and these memories are amazing!

The 365 Concept

I have an idea that I got from Flickr… It’s called “365″.

And the idea of it being called “365″ is that there are 365 days in a year!

Each day I take a picture of my daughter in the same place (the same location).

In our house, it’s next to the entry-way closet.

The reason I chose that location is that there is a darkly colored door knob against a white door. This way, no matter what she’s wearing you can see her perfectly…

And more importantly, the door knob is a “height” indicator.

In other words, you can easily see her growth from one month to the next!

This is a cool project that takes about 30 seconds a DAY! The pictures quickly add up and you’ll start to notice subtle differences between the weeks. Throw these pictures into a “slideshow” and you’re ready to go!

Naming Conventions

Naming conventions are like Ice Cream. We all have our favorite way to do it, and none of them are “wrong”.

I’d like to suggest a date based naming convention. It’s taken me a couple years (no pun intended) to arrive at this one, but it’s a good one!

The reason I find this important is because, especially when you are doing a DVD that’s based around a child growing up, you want things to be in chronological order.

That being said I start off with the date first, starting with the year. I then follow it up with a description.

So, being that today is May 29th, today’s pictures and drawings are going to be labeled “20080529″.

If it’s a 365 picture, I’d label it like this: “20080529_365″.

Since each 365 picture only contains 1 per day, I’m done.

But say we were at the park and I got a picture of her with a puppy… I wanted to put it into a different location that the 365, but needed to label it.

It would be the same date order, so “20080529″ followed by the description of a puppy. It might look like this:

“20080529_PuppyPark.jpg”

This way, when you see them consecutively in a folder and arrange “by name” you can’t get them out of order!

Yes!

Scanning And Sharing

Another great tip is to save and scan all pictures that you child draws. If your child is under the age of 8 you’ll notice that their pictures vary heavily from the beginning of the year to the end…

And seeing this change is pretty awesome. You can see your child develop from month to month, each picture getting more detailed than the other.

Pretty soon the people’s faces have features, like eyes and ears…

Puppies soon have long noses and long tails!

And keeping these in order will show the progress your little artist is making!

You’ll also want to pre-determine the ‘cut off’ date for your DVD.

In my case, my daughter’s birthday is December 1st, so I know that right after her birthday I need to start assembling the DVD in order to make it by the “Christmas Present” deadline!

Once you find something that works for you, I know you’ll stick to it and in no time you’ll have the most incredible DVD you’ve ever made!

I encourage you to take a few minutes and plan this out… and if you have any specific questions, I’d love to talk about them. You can write at Cliff@SingleParentSurvivalGuide.com.

So, as you’re preparing to make the most important home movies of your life, remember that we’re in this together, learning lessons along the way.

Talk to you soon,